Now, I don’t have to tell you who the smart one is in my marriage. When Janet and I were first married I thought I was the smart one, but I was sadly mistaken.
Here’s one incident to prove my point.
The day I turned 21, I made my way down to the gun store to look at a pistol I had been eyeballin’ for a couple of weeks. It was a semi-auto .22. Man, this was really a good lookin’ handgun. Like I said, I’d been lookin’ at it for a while.
“Can I look at that pistol again?” I asked the man behind the counter.
The man sighed and opened the case and pulled the pistol out. He held it out to me. “I sure wish you’d buy that thing,” he said. “I’m tired of wipin’ your slobber off of it when you leave.”
“Well,” I said. “You ain’t gonna believe this, but I turned 21 today, so I’m finally legal.”
“Thank you Lord,” he said, while looking up at the ceiling.
“But I don’t know if I should buy it, or not,” I added.
“What? Why not? You’ve looked at that thing every day for the past two weeks. You’ve just about rubbed all the bluin’ off of it. I’ve never seen someone so in love with a gun as you are with that one.”
“It’s a beaut alright; that it is, but you see, I’m married.”
“Who ain’t?” he said.
“Well, we made each other a promise that we wouldn’t make a major purchase unless we discussed it between each other.”
“How’d she rope you into something stupid like that?” he said.
“It was my idea,” I said.
“You’re kiddin’, right?”
“No, I’m not kiddin’.”
“Well, you might as well say good-bye to that pistol then,” he said.
“Why is that?”
“Boy, she’s not going to agree to you gettin’ a gun. Take my word for it.”
“You don’t know her,” I said.
“She’s a woman, ain’t she?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Well, let me tell you somethin’. Unless you are buyin’ somethin’ for them, they will never agree to any purchase; especially if it’s for you.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said.
“I’m tellin’ you the truth son. Forget about that gun.”
“Well, she’s not like that. In fact, I’ll take the gun.”
“You sure?” he said.
“You bet,” I said.
The next thing you know, I was drivin’ home wonderin’ what in the heck I just did. I didn’t know what I was goin’ to do.
I thought about sneakin’ the pistol into the house, and hidin’ it, but I knew that wouldn’t work. I had written a check for the thing, and Janet always checked the bank statements, because I was bad about forgettin’ to post the checks. Like I said, I didn’t know what I was goin’ to do, and then it came to me. I’d do just what the gun store man had said.
I walked into the house, and Janet heard me and came to give me my welcome home kiss. I was standin’ there with my hands behind my back.
“What do you have behind your back?” she asked.
“It’s a surprise,” I smiled.
She smiled back. “What is it?”
“Close your eyes,” I said. She closed her eyes, still smilin’. I pulled the box around in front of me, opened the box, and said, “OK, open your eyes.”
She opened her eyes and looked down at the box in my hands. Her smile was still on her face, but her eyes had puzzled look to them when she saw the pistol.
I looked at her and grinned. “I bought this for you,” I said.
Pretty smart, huh? Yeah, I thought so, too. That is until a couple of days later.
I walked into the house, after I had gotten home from work and there was Janet standin’ there with her hands behind her back and a smile on her face.
“What’cha got behind your back?” I asked.
“It’s a surprise,” she smiled even bigger.
“What is it?” I asked, thinkin’ this was sure soundin’ somewhat familiar.
“Close your eyes,” she said.
I closed my eyes. In a second she said, “OK, you can open your eyes now.”
I opened my eyes. She had her hand right in front of my face. On her finger was the biggest diamond dinner ring I had ever seen.
“I bought this for you,” she said.
Man, can you believe that. Heck, I let her shoot her gun every once in a while, but she never lets me wear my ring.
Oh well, I may be the dumb one in this family, but I’ve got one thing goin’ for me. I got Janet, so that makes me the winner.