A few weeks ago I had the privilege of being asked to be the cake and pie auctioneer for a troop of Cub Scouts for their annual fund raiser. While I was waitin’ to do my auctioneerin’ part, I got to listen to the openin’ ceremonies and it got my old memory banks to churnin’. I was surprised that I still remembered the Cub Scout Promise and stuff, but what I really remembered was this one trip our Den Mother took us on.
You know, there are a lot of things that happen in this old world that are so significant that you never forget where you were and what you were doin’ when you heard about them.
Take Kennedy’s assassination, for instance. Everybody remembers in detail where they were and what they were doin’ when that happened. That is, if you were alive durin’ that time.
The same thing when Armstrong stepped on the moon. The point of all of this is that I can remember not only these events, but a bunch more that is not as important in history.
Take, for example, I can remember when and where I was when I heard my first dirty joke. Now, before you throw down the paper, let me tell you, I’m not goin’ to tell the joke.
Like I’ve stated before, my mom and my preacher both read this junk I write, and both of them are against dirty jokes, and although I think I’m a little too old to get a whuppin’, you’ll never convince my mom of that.
Anywho, back to the dirty joke.
Back when I was in the fourth grade, I was a Cub Scout. There were only a handful of us Scouts in our school, but you could tell who we were because every Thursday, we’d have our uniforms on. This consisted of an official Cub Scout shirt with all the patches, and a little cap.
Nobody had the official pants, because they were expensive, plus they wouldn’t last like blue jeans. Anywho, we were a proud bunch. When we said the pledge of allegiance before class started, we saluted instead of puttin’ our hand over our hearts.
Plus, the girls would look at us in our uniforms, and get all goo-goo eyed. We were cool.
After the last bell rang, we Scouts would run up the road to the Scout Hut, which was only a quarter of a mile up the road. I was especially proud of the Scout Hut, because my dad helped build it. Anyway, we’d have our meetin’, work on projects, and junk like that. It was a lot of fun, but my favorite part of Cub Scouts was goin’ on trips.
Now, our adult supervision was always one of our mothers. You know, the Den Mother. Every few months our Den Mothers would change. Usually, it was after an episode where the lady would go nuts and start yellin’ and cryin’.
It seemed we were always havin’ to break in a new Den Mother.
Anywho back to the trips.
The trips they’d take us on were always fun. We went to the newspaper once and got our picture in the paper. Another time, we went to Ideal Bakery, and they gave us little loaves of bread.
But the one I remember the best, was the trip to the egg farm. Well actually, I don’t remember too much about the egg farm, but I do remember the ride out there. That’s when I heard my first dirty joke.
Back then, there was no such thing as a minivan. There were station wagons, but our Den Mother didn’t own one, so we all packed into her car. I don’t remember how many Cub Scouts there were, but I do remember that we had to sit in each other’s laps to fit.
One kid was layin’ up on the shelf at the back window. We looked like the clown car at a Shriner’s convention. We did have to leave enough room so our Den Mother could shift the gears, though.
Anywho, we were toolin’ down the road, headed for the egg farm. One of the boys named David, yelled above the noise we were all makin’.
“Hey! Do y’all want to hear a joke?”
“Yeah!” we all yelled. Even the Den Mother said she wanted to hear it.
Now, I figured it was goin’ to be a Little Moron joke, or a Knock-knock joke, or maybe even an Elephant joke, but boy was I wrong.
David started tellin’ the joke. He was a good joke teller. I was sittin’ on some kid’s lap in the front seat, and I had to turn to listen to the joke, because David was in the back.
From my position, I could not only see David, but I could also see the face of our Den Mother. She wore those ol’ Cat Eye glasses that were popular back then, and she was smilin’ as David told the joke. The joke was about a drunken lady and a bartender.
I happened to be lookin’ at our Den Mother just as David told the punch line. The punch line had a dirty word in it. Now, back then, you didn’t hear dirty words like you do now-a-days.
I mean, you can’t turn on a TV show now and not hear a cuss word. Anywho, like I was sayin’, I happened to be lookin’ at our Den Mother when David delivered the punch line.
First, the lady’s mouth dropped. Her Cat Eye glasses instantly fogged over. She sucked in a breath that was so big, I believe if we didn’t have one of the windows cracked, it would have created such a vacuum, that we would have all imploded. Since she couldn’t see through her fogged up glasses, she missed seein’ the curve in the road and we headed for the ditch.
Down into the ditch we went, all of us screamin’ bloody murder. Kids were flyin’ around in that car like astronauts in a space capsule. This car was made before they started puttin’ seat belts in them.
Finally, she got the car stopped. It was dead quiet in the car. Our Den Mother had her head against the steerin’ wheel with her eyes closed, shakin’. At first, I thought she was cryin’, but she wasn’t.
She was laughin’. She was laughin’ hard, too. Finally, she lifted her head, cleared her throat, got a stern look on her face, turned and looked at David. She pointed her finger at him, and opened her mouth to say somethin’.
But instead of words, out came more laughter. By this time, we were all laughin’. I don’t know whether it was at the joke, or the fact that we had all cheated death, but it didn’t matter.
Like I said, I don’t remember too much about the egg farm after we finally got there.
But I’ll never forget where I was, or what I was doin’, when I heard that joke.
And yes, the joke was funny.